Funny Maths - RUINED BY BAD BLOGGING SERVICE!!!

Ever just get too frustrated in maths?

Click on the images to see larger versions. Actually, don't, because blogger sucks. That just ruins the entire post.

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Photos go here, please.

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Oh, wait, blogger is crappy.

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I hope it dies, please.

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The photos were pretty funny.

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Oh well.

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BLOGGER IS MUCHLY VERY VERY BAD AND I IS MUCH HOPE FOR IT TO DIE!

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Coming to a Toy Store Near You....

Be afraid.

SAW!!! Woot!

I stole a bow off my friend, so now I can play my saw properly! Woot!
Sounds very kool.

Flashback!

Huzzah! It's on YouTube. I think this was year 8. But it's still good.

Stupid Teachers

Uuurgh. Stupid Teachers.

MRS PARKER: The date isn't in the right place. For 5 years I've had to train you like a dog that does tricks.

NICK: I despise being described as a dog.

MRS PARKER: Yeah, well, sometimes, Nick...

NICK'S IMAGINATION: For 5 years I've been trying my hardest to put up with you, like some dried-up and crusty bit of dog poo on the bottom of my shoes that won't come off. Well I'm sick of you! I WANT NEW SHOES!!

Mrs Searson also sucks. She was really grumpy today. And Mrs. Peers is terrifying (being an evil kitchen midget and all).

NICK: Is that much butter for two people or three?

MRS PEERS: (Something unintelligible)

NICK: Sorry?

MRS PEERS: No. Da much fuh too peepol, but same fuh three.

NICK: Okay. Could I have some please?

MRS PEERS: No, no. Nuh in da boll. You need ovah boll lake da wan see? You go back un get boll lake da.

NICK: But our bowl like that already has the flour in it.

MRS PEERS: Wew pud da flour in anadder boll and then come back.

NICK: Okay.

I find it hard to believe that she's Mrs. Peers. I'd be scared s**tless if I was married to her.

Pan's Labyrinth

DAMN YOU OFELIA! YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST STAYED PUT! STUPID GIRL!

Stupid Warning Labels

I've always had a fascination with stupid warning labels, so here are a few.

• "For external use only" -On a curling iron.
  

• "Do not use while sleeping" -On a hair dryer.
  

• "Do not drive with sunshield in place" -On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
  

• "Battery may explore or leak" -On a battery.
  

• "Do not eat toner" -On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

• "May irritate eyes" -On a can of self-defence pepper spray.

• "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth" -On a novelty garden rock set called "Popcorn Rock"

• "Please keep out of children" -On a butcher knife.

• "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less" -On a birthday card for a one-year-old.

• "Do not use for drying pets" -In the manual for a microwave.

• "For use by trained personnel only" -On a can of air freshener.

• "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death" -A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm x 15cm x 12cm.

• "May be harmful if swallowed" -On a shipment of hammers.

• "Do not put lit candles on phone" -On the instructions for a cordless phone.

• "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants" -On the packaging for a wristwatch. (???)

And here's some small print from some ads:

• "Do not drive cars in ocean" -From a car commercial that shows a car in the ocean.

• "Always drive on roads. Not on people" -From a commercial showing a car crowd surfing at a concert.

• "For a limited time only" -From a commercial advertising that a company's burgers are fresh.

I got these from a site called Things People Said. It's very funny. Check it out here.

Quick Change Artists

Hey people.

I saw this a while ago on YouTube, but it completely mystifies me. They're clearly aliens.

Laughing my ass off at Brandy's face.

Also, kind of unrealted but funny, I read this comment on YouTube:

In 1945, a young girl named katu lata kulu came over to America in a grey boat from Africa. A mysterious man killed her by cutting the word "LATUALATUKA" into her back. now that you have read this message, she will come to your house on a full moon and steal your soul unless you follow these directions:

1. Retype this message as a comment for 3 other videos

Made me laugh because some people would be paranoid enough to actually do it. It'll suck if it happens, though.

I'll kill ya.

I made this picture today. It makes me laugh.

In the beginning...

Okay, here's the news. Westulaks is out. The Gassy Dream Weaver is in. Here's the beginning-

~ CHAPTER IIIIIIIIIIIIV (or -7) ~

In the beginning, there was a lot of soup. In fact, the whole universe was soup. But the soup was starchy and bland, and it kept on making these funny-smelling gas bubbles. And one bubble touched another, and together they reacted to form a new gas element: Lordium II. And the bubble had a mind, a will, a consciousness. And the bubble became the Gassy Dream Weaver. He thought that the soup should disappear, and it did. And He was pleased.
He filled part of the void with a planet of rock, and He was pleased. He thought it would be fun to make little things that lived on the planet, and He did. They were small, fluffy creatures. And He watched them do things. But soon the creatures started to die of starvation, so He created plants and plankton (because, He reasoned, everything eats plankton). The plankton died, because He had forgotten to make any oceans, but the plants thrived. The fluffy creatures ate the plants and grew larger, and the Gassy Dream Weaver was pleased.
Many years passed, and He watched the fluffy creatures grew and changed, and He watched as the plants grew and changed. Soon there were fluffy creatures and feathered creatures, and plants that ate them (because they had grown tired of being eaten). But the Gassy Dream Weaver was not happy. He was bored. And so He decide to create dinosaurs (which He had seen a picture of in a magazine, and he thought looked pretty cool). And the dinosaurs were created, and they were very cool. They stomped around the planet and killed lots of the fluffy creatures and feathered animals and plants that ate things.
But He was not pleased by this, and so he made a big rock and sent it towards the planet, and it killed everything except for two fluffy creatures and two feathered creatures and one tree. And He made this tree sacred, and told the fluffy creatures and feathered creatures not to touch it, and that it was as a reminder of how everything must suit Him, or He would get pouty and kill of their races. The fluffy creatures and feathered creatures didn't understand him, though, because they didn't speak Gassy Dream Weaver-ish, or any other language.

Ceiling Cat vs. Santa Olaf

Every now and then the internet launches the career of a new celebrity. Perhaps you've heard of lonelygirl15 or smosh. But few people or have become more famous than the legendary Ceiling Cat.
The simple picture intrigues us; raising questions about the mysterious cat. How did it get into the ceiling? Is it a natural ginger? Why is there a hole in the ceiling? And of course, why exactly is Ceiling Cat watching us masturbate?

The picture swept across the internet, causing amusement and bemusement wherever it landed. It became a celebrity, everybody knew about Ceiling Cat. People would meet on street corners, in cafes and occasionally at zoological gardens to discuss the slightly perverted cat.

But now, a newcomer challenges even Ceiling Cat. I speak of a new phenomenon. It raises more questions than even Ceiling Cat. I speak of Santa Olaf.

But why? WHY IS SANTA OLAF WATCHING US MASTURBATE? So many questions, and only here will you get the answers.

Q: Why is Olaf in the ceiling?
A: Well, probably for the same reason as Ceiling Cat.

Q: But then why is Ceiling Cat in the cei-
A: We're not talking about Ceiling Cat.

Q: Why is Olaf dressed as Santa?
A: Long story. I have this obsession with Brett Helquist, illustrator of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. I copied a picture of Olaf out of the front of one of the books, with a slight variation: he was dressed like Santa. From this grew the idea of Santa Olaf replacing Ceiling Cat.

Q: I walked in on my ferret wearing a tea cozy. (S)he confronted me and accused me of being overbearing. Am I a bad ferret parent?
A: No. Your ferret is probably passing through a phase of fashion experimentation. Do not criticise his/her fashion choice. Tell him or her that you think the look is "happening" and that you "dig it, daddy-o". Continue to do this until the phase passes.

Q: Who is responsible for this picture?
A: Ultimately, me. The picture was created, painstakingly I would imagine, by my friend Helen. Please complain to her if you are offended.

Q: Why is Santa Olaf watching-
A: Nobody knows, and nobody ever will know. Now stop asking questions.

If you are concerned about Santa Olaves, please e-mail me at behind.garhuckle@gmail.com. For a small price I can ship to you an Olaf Repellent.

Please, spread the word of Santa Olaf.

Nick