Ceiling Cat vs. Santa Olaf

Every now and then the internet launches the career of a new celebrity. Perhaps you've heard of lonelygirl15 or smosh. But few people or have become more famous than the legendary Ceiling Cat.
The simple picture intrigues us; raising questions about the mysterious cat. How did it get into the ceiling? Is it a natural ginger? Why is there a hole in the ceiling? And of course, why exactly is Ceiling Cat watching us masturbate?

The picture swept across the internet, causing amusement and bemusement wherever it landed. It became a celebrity, everybody knew about Ceiling Cat. People would meet on street corners, in cafes and occasionally at zoological gardens to discuss the slightly perverted cat.

But now, a newcomer challenges even Ceiling Cat. I speak of a new phenomenon. It raises more questions than even Ceiling Cat. I speak of Santa Olaf.

But why? WHY IS SANTA OLAF WATCHING US MASTURBATE? So many questions, and only here will you get the answers.

Q: Why is Olaf in the ceiling?
A: Well, probably for the same reason as Ceiling Cat.

Q: But then why is Ceiling Cat in the cei-
A: We're not talking about Ceiling Cat.

Q: Why is Olaf dressed as Santa?
A: Long story. I have this obsession with Brett Helquist, illustrator of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. I copied a picture of Olaf out of the front of one of the books, with a slight variation: he was dressed like Santa. From this grew the idea of Santa Olaf replacing Ceiling Cat.

Q: I walked in on my ferret wearing a tea cozy. (S)he confronted me and accused me of being overbearing. Am I a bad ferret parent?
A: No. Your ferret is probably passing through a phase of fashion experimentation. Do not criticise his/her fashion choice. Tell him or her that you think the look is "happening" and that you "dig it, daddy-o". Continue to do this until the phase passes.

Q: Who is responsible for this picture?
A: Ultimately, me. The picture was created, painstakingly I would imagine, by my friend Helen. Please complain to her if you are offended.

Q: Why is Santa Olaf watching-
A: Nobody knows, and nobody ever will know. Now stop asking questions.

If you are concerned about Santa Olaves, please e-mail me at behind.garhuckle@gmail.com. For a small price I can ship to you an Olaf Repellent.

Please, spread the word of Santa Olaf.

Nick